How to Meet Other Moms

Hey, Mama, Hey! How are you doing today? We are rockin’ and rollin’ in Chicagoland! It is that time of year when I start to think about all I am thankful for and the relationships that are extra special to me. It makes me reminisce about my journey of finding mom friends.

I think I had a hard time connecting with people after I became a mama at a young age. I didn’t have any other mom friends my age–or really even close. I basically went through Macy’s infancy feeling alone. As you can imagine it was hard. I didn’t have anyone to talk about being a new mom or have someone to bounce ideas off of or to ask how to do something, like sleep training. Mommy blogs weren’t prominent at the time.

After I married Jorge it was my first big move to a place where I didn’t know anyone. I had to try to make friends. I did make friends, but they weren’t moms like me. I did form a friendship with a really kind mom. Her kids were close to Macy’s age. She worked full-time and had a husband who often deployed, so it was difficult to find time to hangout regularly. She always gave great advice and was always honest about #momlife and herself. I really appreciated the time we spent with each other.

While pending the move to Kansas, I was so sure we would be there for a while (we were there for less than two years very short amount of time) I was ready to dig in and make some deep connections with some mid-west moms! I was optimistic and I had a plan: Macy was going to be in school-a place where I could volunteer with other moms, I was working, we found a church, AND we were in a life group. This was a fail safe plan to make a TON of new friends!

Once I started to open myself up to others and put myself out there I noticed a trend. I observed a community who seemed to be nursing the still open wounds from past military/other transit families that had come and gone before us. (Manhattan has a very healthy attrition. The universities, military and government workers are quickly in and out.) The Townies (local people who are long-term residents) were understandably closed off.

Although, I understood why the locals didn’t want to make a deep, authentic relationship for the short term, it didn’t make it hurt less. I would describe myself as an introvert. I listen more than I speak, I would rather be with a small group than a large group, and I prefer to have a few deep meaningful relationships over many shallow ones. In Kansas, I had a hard time finding a deep relationship. I did make a couple of strong connections group! I am truly grateful for those relationships. In Kansas, I began to really appreciate “quality over quantity.” I would pray “I will just take one good friend, Lord!” He definitely provided!

One in particular is extra meaningful. Our friendship was easy! I could see God stretching her heart. I knew it was hard for her to continue to pour into a relationship that would soon be over. She was so selfless she kept Macy while I had to work and my husband was in the field; she invited me and my sweet Macy for Christmas with her family while my husband deployed; and when I was without direction about my projected career field she had me over for dinner so I could pick her husband’s brain because he had valuable insight. This relationship made it surprisingly difficult to leave the area. I felt like I was finally getting my footing just as I was leaving!

We left Kansas to move to the Chicago ‘burbs. This area is the best and worst. It is the best because the people aren’t exactly sure how the military lifestyle works. They are more open to a new friendship that is more than surface deep. But it can be the worst place for kind of the same reason—there are less Army wives to connect with. For instance, these ladies don’t know what ‘going to the field’ entails, but on the other hand, they do know what it is like for their husband to be out of town. Illinois has been the most opportune place for me to connect with other like-minded mamas. The moms at my daughter’s school have been more inclusive. The church we attend offered has many opportunities to meet other moms/women. It has offered MOPs, Fearless Mom, Ladies’ Bible Study, and a conference for women. I am fortune it to live in an area with a church with so many opportunities to connect.

These are some things I keep in mind while Making new friends:

Be the first to say “Hi” and take time to remember her name!
- When someone remembers my name after one time of meeting them I jump up and down with joy on the inside! I can only hope I do the same for someone else.
Be brave: ask them to go out for coffee or have a play date!
- It is hard to get to know someone when there is a toddler distracting you the entire time. But when you don’t really know someone new a toddler is a nice distraction.
  - I even like the idea of going for a short walk though a public park. This way if you do bring your kid you could push them in the stroller!
Go just a little bit deeper when you talk to them.
- Our end goal is to have a deep relationship–not surface level. Find common ground and ask them questions.
- Look for things you have in common to build a good foundation on!
Remember: relationships are a marathon not a sprint!
- Rome wasn’t built in a day and that is okay! I have been in the make everyone my friend mode. Not a fun/authentic mode. You aren’t going to want to be friends with everyone, and vice versa–it really is for the best, don’t you think?

These are just some things I have established after having to start over in new places. If you are a mil-spouse or move often what are some ways you get out and meet new people?